Hello, Welcome to my journal.

Entry 1

I’ve always been timid about rejecting the feelings of others,

so I just agree with some things they say even if in my heart I oppose, I hate conflict and…..my broken heart feels deep remorse if I speak wrongly in the eyes of others

And I think, and I torture my soul, and I plead and I pray, seeking all the while being depressed with with a contrite spirit thinking…..

what will I say to My God, if He ask me

Why did you not speak on my behalf?

While they were bold, and proud in their speech and their belief in their god.

And you….

What if he countermands me?

Because I kept silent

So now I’m sorry if I offend,

But I cannot keep silent any more

Unless the life breath my Shehmaa Elohim gives me be a curse on me all of my days.

No……

I dare not play the role of the harlot rising up to flirt with other nations and serving their gods

They will invite me to eat their food

Then after, to the offerings of their god

Oh My God forbid!

Do not forsake me in a way

That they would trample my soul and the earth would open its mouth to consume me to the pits of Sheol!

Oh Most Merciful One,

Please do not condemn me in a way….

Let Your compassion be a ray of light through the dark hour

And give me a voice 7 times bolder and more proficient in Your Torah, laws, covenant, commandments, precepts and judgments.

Don’t let me feel ashamed and have a fearful heart,

To speak your truth with all words You gave me.

I pray all who will read, will seek with an open heart and receive what I will speak to you.

[ Whatever is for one.. is, and what is not for one is not.. ]

May peace be upon you.

-Hebrew Lotus